deesbignight

and there's still soooo much to do, [[ugh|5]].

Dee's Big Night

you don't even want to know what your hair looks like right [[now|8]].

[[1. get dressed|dress]]\n2. clean up\n3. set the mood

he narrows his eyes and pulls what looks like a whip tight between his hands. tribute? he exclaims. you steal men's souls and make them your slaves!\n\n[[lol|encounter9b]]\n[[wait is that a whip|encounter8]]

[[o|m]]<<set $outfit = 0>>

your hair is all over the place given that you've been sleeping on it for god knows how long but in a fit of inspiration you just lean into it and kinda scrunch it into a messy pouf, long platinum curls tumbling down your [[back|hair4]].

there's no time for any kind of complex look so you just throw a ton of powder at your face and manage to scrawl on some mostly-straight [[liner|hair3]].

okay! you're good to go. what's [[next|todo2]]?

this almost definitely looks sexy and not like, completely awful. you can't really tell. but then, you're a terrible judge of your own [[appearance|hair5]].

now you've just gotta deal with your hair and face [[sitch|hair2]].

a pile of bad garbage //on fire//, you add, lifting up your cape and launching a whole mess of fireballs at him. he totally wasn't expecting that and in just a few seconds he's a charred skeleton. gross!\n\n[[well|endingc2]]

it's too bad you didn't make your es-//cape// when you had the chance, you say aloud to nobody in particular. \n\n[[ahem|endingc3]]

//charred//, i'm sure. you remark, shrugging.\n\n[[one more|endingc4]]

a //toast// to the hero, you add, though that one doesn't really work given that you dropped and broke your wine glass a while ago. you should probably clean that [[up|endingc5]].

actually now that you think about it you've got kind of a lot of work to do and you don't have the excuse of being temporarily banished from the physical plane to get it out of it now. [[bummer|endingc6]].

maybe start with the broken glass and that pile of bones. just a [[suggestion|end]].

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okay phew it doesn't look quite as much like you passed out in the middle of some kind of fucked up meat and money orgy in here anymore. what's [[next|todo3]]?

it's hard to pretend that everything's fine when you're shoving what appears to be an entire roast chicken you just had lying on your floor for some reason into a cubby, then covering the hole up with some bricks that apparently came out of the wall at some point, but you do your [[best|clean7]].

that's what church is\n\n[[boom|encounter10bc]]

babe, look at yourself, you think, desperately sweeping loose change under a candelabra. look at your life. you're a [[wreck|clean5]].

you start just throwing things out of the way, places you assume he'd never have any reason to look. you end up hiding your crap in the closets, behind bookshelves, anywhere you can think [[of|clean4]].

there's all kinds of junk strewn around and there's probably not enough time to remember where it actually goes.\n\n[[JUST HIDE THAT SHIT|clean3]]

your place is a wreck. god, what were you doing last night? it seems like it was ages [[ago|clean2]].

this is just you all over. you slept heck of late and now he's going to be here in like, no [[time|4]].

there's a reason you wear this all the time -- it makes you look so. damn. good. and besides, he's never seen it [[before|hair]].<<set $outfit = "rb">>

all of a sudden, he throws down his whip and runs into your arms and you embrace and you're like wait are you sure you want to kiss because i don't want to assume anything and he's just like, yes i'm sure! so you do and it's very [[hot|endingb4]].

by [[merritt kopas|http://twitter.com/m_kopas]]\n\ninspired in part by conversations with [[Mike Joffe|http://videogamesoftheoppressed.wordpress.com]]\n\nif this didn't make any sense i guess watch [[this|https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-TPhBIuTJc]]?\n\nalso read [[this|https://medium.com/mammon-machine-zeal/your-asshole-dads-castle-is-back-again-2623a02f0cb0]]\n\n[[what is a man?|encounter11b]]

you know you're pretty cute when you're righteously indignant, you tell him. all sweaty and flustered.\n\n[[hey so|endingb2]]

you introduce your kid and your partner and later that night you all sit down to dinner together. wow, look at us, a picture of the postmodern family, you say. it isn't really funny or anything but for the first time you are truly happy you're still finding the words to express [[that|end]].

wow, you say, well thank you for coming to me. i see now that i have been an unreliable parent and i will endeavor to treat you better in the future. i, also, have big [[news|endingb7]].

one day there's a knock at the door and your son, who you haven't seen in forever, shows up. hey, he says, i've got something to tell you. you haven't been there for me but i want you in my life. also i'm a girl.\n\n[[whoa|endingb6]]

with his consent, after a lot of serious talk about it over a series of months, you Turn him and he moves in with you full-time as your eternal [[partner|endingb5]].

[[g|1]]

are you as turned on as i am right now? you ask, and your eyes lock for one perfect [[moment|endingb3]].

oh my god he's here he's here you're not [[reaadyyyyy|encounter1]]

okay you can do this, all you've gotta do now is-\n\n[[//creeeeeeeeaaaaaak//|here2]]

look man, not to kinkshame you whatever but if you're a daddy dom or something i am like, //not// into that. \n\n[[like, what were you planning on doing with that|encounter10]]?

he looks pretty confused and a little sheepish now. uh, yeah? he replies super hesitantly.\n\n[[gross|encounter9]]

dude, you begin, what the fuck. what kind of an entrance is that.\n\n[[wait, is that? is that a fucking whip|encounter8]]?

he kind of looks like he didn't expect that.\n\n[[seriously what|encounter7]]

die, monster! you don't belong in this world!\n\n[[uh excuse me|encounter6]]\n[[look dude|encounter6b]]

he steps out of the shadows and his eyes lock with yours. he opens his mouth and [[says|encounter5]]

the door [[opens|encounter4]].

well, miraculously might not be the right word. but it was certainly impressive. you straighten yourself out, trying to look as casual as possible, like you didn't just fling yourself into a piece of furniture from across the [[room|encounter3]].

but there's no time, you can hear his footsteps coming up the stairs now, so you dive for the loveseat, managing to somehow pour yourself a glass of wine in midair before landing miraculously upright without having spilled a [[drop|encounter2]].

okay dude, whatever. don't worry about it. nbd. but it is a bd. it's a huge d, and you can't help but be hurt by his refusal to examine the systems of power in which he's complicit.\n\n[[sigh|endinga7]]

unfortunately while you're distracted with disappointment he grabs a little vial from inside a pouch and hucks it at you. the glass shatters and burning, horrible holy water bathes your skin, burning away your material form.\n\n[[fuck|endinga8]]

and like, what reason do you even have for wanting to slay me, dude? i'm generically evil i guess? and have you noticed how while you're all buff and handsome, i'm like, pretty feminine? i mean, before i inevitably reveal my true shape and turn into a giant terrorbeast which you'll end up beating anyway.\n\nhe nods a little. i see, he says, though he doesn't really seem to.\n\n[[whatever|endinga5]]

you seriously can't see through all this? you ask, exasperated. like i guess it's pretty fun on one level and i'm not trying to take that away from you but i'm just saying to think about how what you're doing is reproducing all this really gross shit on a really deep level. do you get that?\n\nhe kind of considers it for a bit and is like, uh, not really.\n\n[[fine|endinga6]]

CHECK THIS OUT you exclaim, just letting your wine glass smash on the floor as you jump out of your seat. your whole deal is that you want to kill me, right? and to do that you had to explore my whole castle, kill like hundreds of inhuman monsters, pick up everything that wasn't nailed down, and just basically like chart out and own the whole space. it's totally a triumph of the lone hero over the monstrous frontier narrative.\n\nhe doesn't look like he gets it.\n\n[[ugh|endinga3]]

okay listen, you say, rubbing your temples. think of it like this. this whole thing, this whole story, you say, gesturing around, is just a thinly veiled justification for you to traipse around this big playground which might seem forboding but also like it was just totally sitting here waiting for you to conquer it.\n\nhe's like, huh.\n\n[[and,|endinga4]]

like do you wanna talk gender theory, bro? do you wanna talk about the cultural construction of masculinity and colonialization and mastery and capitalism? which i should point out is like, pretty relevant to our situation right now? \n\nhe pauses for a second. wait, what?\n\n[[OKAY|endinga2]]

he's totally fuming now. what a joker. he's practically shouting at you, telling you how your words are totally empty like your soul and mankind ill needs a savior like you.\n\n[[what even is a man, dude|encounter11b]]

your politics are really bad, you croak out from your dissolving form\n\n[[curse that fucker|endinga9]]

good luck getting a job as a vampire hunter now. gj. seriously. you slow clap until your hands turn into [[dust|endinga10]].

maybe the next dude who comes along will be more willing to listen to you about this stuff. on the bright side, you won't have to worry about the disgusting state of your place for another few years at [[least|end]]!

you [[overslept|3]].

you feel like you've been sleeping for like a hundred [[years|7]].

it seems to go on forever, dissolving into inky blackness. you kinda forget what all is in there sometimes. but a few things jump out at you right off the [[bat|dress2b]].

and your place is like, a complete disaster. when was the last time you cleaned up around [[here|9]]?

okay. gotta break this stuff down, make it easier on yourself. you make a mental [[list|12]].

[[DEE'S BIG NIGHT|11]]

it's hard to go wrong with black, [[right?|hair]]<<set $outfit = "b">>

[[seriously what is a man|endinga1]]\n[[surprisingly handsome|endingb1]]\n[[a pile of bad garbage|endingc1]]\n

long and elegant. [[perf|hair]].<<set $outfit = "r">>

you think i like hanging out around here? you ask him. well, actually it kind of rules. but the point is that people fucking love me and were like pleeeeease come back and i was like haha well i guess if you insist.\n\n[[shrug|encounter8b]]

[[m|g]]

there's a [[red number|r]] you used to love. it seems like it's been forever since you wore it.\n\nor maybe something a little more modern? there's this classy [[black outfit|b]] you haven't tried on in a while but it'd still probably fit.\n\nor you could always go with the [[red and black|rb]]. you feel like you've been leaning on it a little hard lately, but it's just so timeless!

first thing's first! you gotta get out of these gross-ass rags and into something a little sexier. you throw open the doors to your huge [[closet|dress2]].

you swirl your wine a little. ever been to church, bro? you ask, trying to hide your smirk. \n\n[[well,|encounter10b]]

[[THE END|credits]]

you can't believe [[it|2]].

you don't even need a mirror -- you know you're a [[mess|6]].

you take a deep breath and psych yourself up. tonight has to be PERFECT and you've got to do everything you can to make that [[happen|10]].

Anonymous

like you just stole a bunch of my shit on the way up here, didn't you? you demand. you notice his lips are kinda greasy too. and did you seriously eat my food?\n\n[[rude|encounter10bc]]

you're still kind of stunned by all this but you're shaken out of it when you notice something else.\n\n[[are those my rings??|encounter12]]

he's kind of fidgeting now. um, he says, real quiet, iwasgonnahityouwithit.\n\n[[jfc|encounter11]]

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uh, you begin, trying your best to sound intimidating, i'm pretty sure i didn't ask to be here so maybe you should cool it, bro.\n\n[[for real|encounter7b]]

OKAY LOOK BRAIN obviously this isn't an ideal situation but we can worry about the state of our life later when we're not getting ready for the most important night like ever, [[okay|clean6]]?

==1. get dressed==\n==2. clean up==\n[[3. set the mood|here1]]

==1. get dressed==\n[[2. clean up|clean1]]\n3. set the mood